Waiting for the Better

             I found out a little while ago that Kathy Griffin lost her sister to cancer today.  It was kind of my last straw on a very challenging afternoon.

             Every year now, I expect that this week (and my birthday week) won’t take me down.  And every year, for the past decade, I’ve been hit hard.

             This post is mostly a placeholder.  Just to let you all know, I’m here and I’m going to make it, it’s just so fucking hard.  Grief is stupid and I’m sick of it.

             Take care of yourselves, and each other, do something that feeds your soul, even if that means feeding your body.

             We can only keep showing up, and that’s enough for now.

 

 

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The Enlightenment Process

             Last night I had to set aside a book without finishing it.  This is a difficult action for my Virgo brain to handle.  Also, and maybe even more difficult, is for my Highly Sensitive soul to read about sadness.  I was initiating a compromise alone, with just me.

             The good part though, is that *A* had recently recommended an authour who she thought I’d enjoy.  My library didn’t have the exact title, but a different one, which was conveniently in my tote bag, so when I put the discarded item there, I found the other.  Turns out, that’s the precise volume I needed to be reading.

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On the cover?   DOLPHIES!

              I haven’t fully investigated her website yet, but it appears to be an excellent resource.  What I got from all of this process (and about the first one third of that book) will be the basis for our message today.

Relieving Suffering = Accepting Freedom

             It’s the words; we need to clarify our definitions.  Because “suffering” is not what our brain first jumps to.  And the concept of “acceptance” in the zen training is not at all about giving up or admitting defeat.

            In reality, we are letting go of what hasn’t worked all along and we’re now comprehending that this is where we are.  This is who and what we need to take credit for and acknowledge.  No negative connotations, no struggle.  Simple acceptance, leading directly to freedom.

            Putting up a fight only makes us hot and angry.  Allowing the freedom of mindfulness to be at the front of our conscious now gives us, instead, a peaceful joy that ripples out.  Spiraling up and spreading to everyone else.

             I’m in the middle of learning how to do this.  The journey is not smooth.  But, every once in a while, through the trees and clutter of life, there are glimpses of a beautiful and serene view.  I also, more often than not, see Hope from here.