Waiting for the Better

             I found out a little while ago that Kathy Griffin lost her sister to cancer today.  It was kind of my last straw on a very challenging afternoon.

             Every year now, I expect that this week (and my birthday week) won’t take me down.  And every year, for the past decade, I’ve been hit hard.

             This post is mostly a placeholder.  Just to let you all know, I’m here and I’m going to make it, it’s just so fucking hard.  Grief is stupid and I’m sick of it.

             Take care of yourselves, and each other, do something that feeds your soul, even if that means feeding your body.

             We can only keep showing up, and that’s enough for now.





             I was going to talk about how we are all connected, how we are all part of this huge and immensely intricate woven piece of beauty.  It’s true, we are.

             And we never know where those threads will take us, or who we will cross paths with.  The massiveness of this spiritual and global tapestry is beyond our comprehension.

             All of that is still valid.  It’s important that we recognize our intertwined nature.  Also though, it is so very necessary to honour when we need to step away from those links, and have alone time.

             Nine years ago today my little sister went Home.  Earlier this afternoon I hung out with my Empress, and it was lovely.  But later, I knew the crash would come.

             I miss my sibling more than I ever thought I would.  Nine years feels like 900 decades and it feels like nine short minutes.  Time means nothing when you are grieving.

             What do we do when the pain is too much?  When we’ve cried and cried and cried some more?  When every memory hurts?

             The Universe would like us to reach out, would like us to connect, would like us to share our burdens so that they are less heavy.

             I’m doing that now.  I’m telling you how death looks from here.  It’s not good, but it’s also not going away.  In order to get past it and acknowledge it, we must feel it.

             Please, do me a favor.  In the next few days, notice those mixed and mingled parts of your life, those connections to loved ones and friends and acquaintances.  Hug those close to you, say hello to those who have gone on, and be kind to yourself.


Existence of Motion

             We seem to be very ocean-themed right now.  (Well, when am **I** not?)  As well as old-adage-minded.

             Today’s message arrives with a piece of art that I came across earlier this week (while I was in search of some sort of belated greeting for a far-away friend).

             The serenity of this image reaches me on a truly soul level.  And as I sat with it, this is what I heard:

time and tide.

             Like the saying: time and tide wait for no man.  But also it’s true that we, as mankind/humanity, are still bound by time and tide.  In a way.

             To a point, we have to honour the pull of Mother Moon, and her tides.  We have to heed Grandfather Time, and his momentum.

             But, sometimes we don’t.  Sometimes we can move forward at our own pace.  We can take as much time as we need.  We can go at a rate which is nourishing and healthful for just ourselves.

             It’s about being an individual in tune with our Time and our Tides.  The inner clock that we, just our own single solitary selves, chime to.

moonlight fantasy

             Instead of flipping a card on our altar, we are going to enjoy this image.  An illustration which found its way to me, in exactly the right time.  On precisely the right tide.

Today’s Visual Gift:

is from Dana Queen, and it’s called “Moonlight Fantasy” from her Sea Cove Gallery collection.

Today’s Sharing:

is to say thank you.  Profoundly, hugely, and from my heart, thank you.

             Those of you who sent kindness and greetings for me this week, it was appreciated.  More than I can say here (or anywhere, for that matter).


Impactful, and, well, surprisingly Joyous

             On this day, 7 years ago, my sister went Home.  I’ve been sort of preparing for how I’m going to handle that fact.  But then, I was thrown off course by some personal/physical crap.  So, instead, I am dealing with something unexpected and unplanned for.

             (Nothing major, no one [else] died.  Just annoying.  And in urgent need of being managed.)

             I woke up with a song in my head though, and knew it was our message, and it was from her.  Until I did a wee bit of research, I didn’t know why.  Watch this.  It’ll make you smile.

             She is saying that it’s perfectly fine to be happy.  This is her gift to us.  So, thanks, Gay-Gay!

Today’s Sharing:

is THIS PIECE by Keith.  Read it.  Watch the TED talk he has about halfway down.  You’ll be glad you did.  And you’ll never “surf” the same again.


A Remembering.

             Note to self elf: comfort pedals are ideal for summer with no shoes, the opposite of that in a winter rain storm wearing tennies.  Just sayin’ -not a great ride tonight for pool class.  If I was counting anything I’d give you the number of times I nearly crashed my sorry ass because my feet slipped.

             But I’m not.  So I won’t.  Instead, I’ll just reassure everyone that I’m fine.  My “whole” body never left the bike, and I did NOT fall off.  Even though I arrived soaking wet.  Rain gear is totally worth every peso I spend on it.

             Now, back to business.  I find it immensely interesting how different days and dates mean such different things to different people.  For me, January always meant that an incredibly special friend’s birthday was approaching.

             Since she’s gone now (or at least, in a place that I can’t physically access, although I do still hear from her), this first month of a new year carries another meaning.  (Lots of other meanings, but on an emotional level, it’s no longer as joyful.)

             This is kind of what I was shown as our message today.

In memorial.

              It’s about how we remember those who have crossed over before us.  Do we still mourn their loss, or have we gotten to the point of smiling over fond memories?  The entire topic of grief, as you all know, is a particularly challenging one for me.

             The whole thing (images, feelings, message) was uncomfortable.   However, it was also necessary.  And I know that.  But much like yesterday’s, knowing it and being happy with it aren’t the same thing.  At.  All.

             I was directed to this stack for our guidance, but we’re going without the illustration.  (I’ll explain why in a few.)  Let’s just imagine a perfect angel view, looking with our mind’s eye, each of us seeing precisely what we need to see.

“Beloved One  ~

Archangel Chamuel:

‘I am helping you with your spiritual relationships.

Love is in and around you right now.  You don’t need to search for it.  Rather, by holding loving thoughts and conducting loving actions, you attract and manifest love in all aspects of your life.

Call upon me to guide your thoughts and actions……..’ “

             There is a nice, easing relief when we hand over that control to another.  It frees us of having to worry about the situation or solution.  The same can be done with painful emotions.

             We need our memories, but we don’t have to keep the parts that hurt.

Today’s Deck:

Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

Today’s Sharing:

is part of yesterday’s.  It’s going to be a slideshow, if I can manage it.  Our dashboards have been changed by WordPress, so this may be tricky.  If there’s pictures in the post, they ALL have to be included.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

              So.  That’s how much my hair grows.  Apparently.  In six months.  Yes,  as I said when I cut it off (the second time), the plan all along has been to let it come back, then I’ll donate it again.  With trims and check-ins twice a year.