Repair, restore, rebuild.

             This week marks my ten year blogaversary.  I began here, a decade ago, to make sense of my sister’s death.  As a place for thoughts, feelings, and later, messages.

             It has served that purpose, plus so much more.  I have no plans to stop showing up, whether I have readers or not (although, I truly hope I do).  It’s worth my time to sit down, contemplate, type, and ultimately, share.

             My mother told me once, at a major turning point in her life, that she felt the perfect imagery (she could see it clearly in her mind’s eye), was the slow changing of a page, the folding flip of paper, as it turned over, marking the end of one chapter, beginning of another.

             I feel that now, as we transition into a new week, a new month, a new year, and no doubt, a new decade.  I hear the Universe tell us that this movement, this marking of time is


             The recovery and restoration has begun.  We may now go forward, wounded and wearing our scars proudly.  We may move on to the next chapter, the next path.

            We have learned, we have grown, and we have traveled so very far.  We are always better for surviving.  And if all we did was make it through this particular day, well, that is an accomplishment.  One we won’t diminish.

             Thank you, for taking this trip with me.  I appreciate you, and treasure your presence.


May we all find peace.

May we all heal.





Open, and Opener.

             Full disclosure tonight, my friends.  From me to you, Julielanders, here’s what’s going on.  With no filter, and no holding back.  (Not like I ever do really, holding back is kind of a foreign concept to me.)

             One of the items I deal with is Release, as you all know.  Another is depression, which you also know.  Add in there, unprocessed grief, the disordered food thinking, my learning disabilities, and it’s fucking wonder I can leave the house some days.  (Ha, I don’t, and that’s even more of the truth.)

             Plus side?  I get to speak with dead people, and see past lives.  So, ya know, trade offs are obviously in play.  And the more I learn, spiritually as well as psychologically, the better equipped I am to help others.

             What I’m working on right now, and will continue along the next few days (with some fast travel for a wedding smack dab in the middle there) is a hunk of letting go.  Next Tuesday will mark 6 years that my sister has been gone.  The day before, I’m going to ride out to her memorial bench, in the very westerly part of town.

             She planned her service (Celebration of Life/funeral/what-ever-you-want-to-call-it) before she left.  It was not one I would have liked to attend, and as it turns out, I didn’t.  Just like I didn’t go to Karen’s.  Or my grandmother’s.  Or any other loved one, relation, friend, or associate.

             Do you see a pattern here?  Yeah, *A* and *K* did, too.  Now is the time for me to face this situation.  So I will.  But I have to sort of work my reluctant self elf up to it.  It’s in my head, and on my mind, and it just keeps needing to come out.  In next few days, I ask for your patience, as you remember that.

             For now, back to business.  This afternoon’s message popped out, super clear.  As well as super concise.

Compassion?  Yes!

Fear?  No!

             Next, add our daily draw, and we have quite an impactful and dynamic statement from the Universe.

angel oracle cards

“Angel of Space Clearing  ~

Time to clear old negative thoughts and feelings.

The Angel of Space Clearing has shown up in your reading today to help you clear the negative thought patterns and feelings which have surfaced recently as a result of your dwelling on past mistakes and regrets.  These unconstructive thoughts and feelings are the primary source of stress in your life at present.  Not only are they causing you to feel confused, they are also preventing positive new energies from entering your life.

Close your eyes and feel the loving presence of the beautiful angel who is here to help you clear and heal all these unwanted thoughts and emotions.  Imagine yourself being showered with light.  Imagine a beam of rainbow coloured light penetrating your heart while another beam of rainbow light penetrates your mind.

Feel your thoughts and perceptions begin to relax and your emotions becoming clear, calm, and balanced.  Now, give thanks……. for this wonderful healing.”

             When I first flipped this one over, I sat with her, and closed my eyes.  I inhaled the rainbow light and I relaxed into the healing.

             Please, I encourage everyone to do this for themselves; take half a minute, breath in – breath out.  It is uplifting, and it truly is a gift.  We’re all worthy of such blessings, if only we accept them.

Today’s Deck:

Angels, Gods, and Goddesses Oracle Cards by Toni Carmine Salerno

Today’s Mileage:

was downtown and back (with a stop for cookies!), done in 52 minutes 16 seconds, for 8.558 miles (much of it skirting road construction cones and barricades), with another day of a dwindlingly average pace of 9.8 MPH.

FLP Report:

is from the past couple of days (they’ve been far-flung), beginning with one from Tennessee, followed by a Florida, then Nebraska, a new-to-us Colorado, one Ohio, then another Ohio, and finally a single Illinois.

One Year Ago.

             It has been 365 days since our beautiful and beloved Karen Tompkins Anderson left us.  Not sure where I’ll be today or what I’ll be doing (other than crying a lot).  But she’ll be on my mind.  As will her husband and children and mother and sister and niece.

             I woke up with today’s message, as I’m sharing it.  There is no suggestion or recommendation, or even anything else to it.  Merely a statement.  Maybe that’s all what we needed to hear.



dedicated situation…..

             We’ve drawn from our Special Occasion deck.  Because.  Sadly, it is.  (Side note, this might be the only one of these cards that I have some issues with.  But again, it’s what came up, and it’s probably what will help us the most.)

animal messages, Cuscus

“Cuscus  ~  13  ~  Calmness

Classified as one of the seven principal sins (according to Christian belief), ‘sloth’ denotes opposition to labour or physical exertion of any sort.  Some see it as being nothing more than a lack of caring.  In everyday terms, the description may be attributed to those within the community who decide not to participate in making society a better place for all, exhibiting the attitude of ‘why should I?’ followed by the comment, ‘they have never done anything for me.’  They fail to see any advantage in trying, instead opting to divert their energy into other things.

Unlike the South American Sloth, whose Dreaming is superficially described above, Cuscus imparts a sense of calm rather than lethargy.  It endorses approaching life at a pace that suits, and not rushing unnecessarily into making decisions that could later seem rash.

Cuscus says that to take slow, purposeful steps is a sure-fire way of ensuring a long, safe, bountiful trip.  He advocates embarking optimistically on life’s journey with a clear view of your destination.

It is the way of Cuscus to tackle all tasks with a sense of calmness, even if it takes all day.  To do something constructive, even though it may take a while, is far better than doing nothing, or worse still, expecting someone else to do it for you; a tactic endorsed by the lazy Sloth.

Cuscus rejects idleness and believes that everything in life is worth considering – and if it is worth doing, it is worth doing well.  Although Cuscus outwardly rebuffs the notion of physical exertion, he does apply solid effort when tackling new projects.  Although his eagerness and enthusiasm may appear wanting to the incidental onlooker, the truth is he never jumps on board immediately or pushes anything away without first pondering the pros and cons.

He takes his time and contemplates the best plan of attack.  And then he commits – sooner or later.  Cuscus suggests approaching all tasks little by little – like moving a mountain one grain of sand at a time.  Being a Sloth gets you nowhere – fast.  Putting effort into doing nothing takes just as much energy as initiating the first steps forward.

Cuscus Dreaming affirms that there is an excellent distinction between laziness and carefulness, or sloth and calmness, with neither to be mistaken for the other.”

Today’s Deck:

Animal Dreaming Oracle Cards by Scott Alexander King

Never Journeying Alone.

             Some more quick words on the topic of Christopher Moore, then we move along with the rest of what needs to be covered.  He says HERE which books are best read in what order.   And yes, along with Marian Keyes, Tom Robbins, and Carl Hiaasen, he is one of my all time favorite authours.   (You already know that I’m also a huge fan of Barbara Samuel O’Neal and Sarah Addison Allen.)

             Today I spotted these (hope you can see both) as I was heading off on the bike.

with a message.

             This errand was simply to pick up some apples and more salad greens.  My girls went to the service and I had to be outside on my own.  Ended up having a conversation with someone who went to school with them.  He seemed in need of connecting with me.  I know that it all went the way it was supposed to go.  As I pedaled home it occurred to me (or I was reminded!) that it was Karen who handed me Moore’s first book, many many years ago.

funeral cards

             She is missed.  Already.  And continuously.  Missed in a severely debilitating way.  There is a huge painful hole where she used to be.

             What has gotten me through my day, and through the past two weeks (in addition to the support of my kids and their father), is the knowledge that she’s not actually gone at all.  I KNOW this.  It’s just enormously difficult to keep processing it, time after time, hour after hour, minute after minute.  The more days going by, the less stabby it will feel though.  This I also know.

             Today’s message from the Universe was, again, massively comforting.  And validating.

oracle cards

The Horse King  ~  42  ~  assistance, control

The Horse King always comes to lend you the power to go the distance, forging ahead whatever the weather.  You will most certainly reach your perfect destination with this noble Ally.  He lets you know that some person or circumstance brought through synchronicity will certainly appear to help you with your endeavors.  You aren’t meant to go this part of the journey alone.

This is also an important time to delegate authority to others so that they may assist you.  Currently you are magnetic to powerful people who are in a position to help make your dreams come true.  The Horse King asks that you remain open to those who are sent to aid you.  You can be assured that you will be lifted up and will ride high in victory.”

             This was direct when I flipped it, but now there seems to a need for both definitions to be shared.


The Horse King wants to know why you think you can do everything by yourself.  Keeping control of everything around  you is counterproductive and exhausting.  You  may lose an important opportunity if you insist on being stubborn.  

The Horse King is patient, however, and will wait for you to come to your senses and accept the help you need.  You won’t be able to reach your goal otherwise.

Yet the Horse King says that all it takes is a decision to jump on his back, ask for help, and graciously allow yourself to be carried to your destination.  Let go of control and amazing things can happen to you.”

Today’s Deck:

Wisdom Of The Hidden Realms Oracle Cards by Colette Baron-Reid

Today’s Affirmation, from Louise Hay and Cheryl Richardson:

Using The Bathroom

(I chose this one because it is not only useful, but funny, and we needed that.)

I easily release all that my body no longer needs.

Intake, assimilation, and elimination are all in Divine right order.”

             Today’s Daily Dog is just a homey shot of Max, loungin’ in the living room.

indoor dogs

Photo by his girl.
(I think, or possibly,
by the other girl.)

Death, not Death, and Tea Towels.

           Ridiculous Medical Update!  Maybe I won’t need you guys to send in photos of your injuries, I seem to have enough of my own lately.  So, remember when I kept bashing my hands all over the damn place?  Yeah, we are back to that now, except this time with my feet.  (Again?  Anew?)  The deal seems to be that I am phenomenally blessed with much goodness in my life.  (Well, we have no money, but whatever.)  This appears to mean that the messages I get are minor, or mostly minor (yes, I am ALWAYS grateful for this, I say my “thank yous” every day).  The way the Universe advises me of shit I need to deal with is by bumping and nudging me along.

          Today’s Mystery Affliction is a scrape on the bottom of my foot, the OTHER foot.  (Dog head vs top of right foot is healing really well, just a small bruise and all the swelling is gone.)  Tonight in the pool I am just flitting along when… OUCH!  I stopped, flung my foot up onto the deck and peered at the wet, wrinkly sole.  Yessiree, it was most red and scraped looking.  This drew the attention of Matt, who came right over and peered at it as well.  We determined that it was maybe some kind of cut or scrape.  (We are not doctors, but ya know, he has first aid training.)  More folks then asked about it.  No, I was not a bio-hazard, I was NOT bleeding into the salt water, but I did have to slow down a bit.

         There was no (physical) reason, that we could all determine, for this injury.  Obviously it is another message.  I will figure it out, eventually.  Let’s just hope that the third incident (because we all KNOW there will be one) won’t cause me to see an actual medical professional.  THAT would just piss me off.

        Time for some subversive cross stitch pictures!  I know some of you are familiar with Alton Brown.  A favorite around here as well (okay, with Daniel and Empress mostly, food shows just make me hungry).

             If you do not watch him, well these are a few of the things he says on a regular basis.  Now, if anyone knows how I can get him over here to SEE them, that would just be amazingly fun. 

          Yeah, this shot did turn out crooked, sorry (the stitching is mostly straight though).  I have done three, the first one, as you may recall, was “wash those chicken-y hands” and now I have added the “golden brown and delicious” and “your patience will be rewarded” to my trio of AB devotion.  (Why yes, I DID make sure the spelling was correct before I charted the words.)  Still puzzling over Em’s ideas, you’ll see them here as soon as we got something worked up.

          Yesterday you saw one of my favorite tiny historic buildings.  Well, on the same property, in front of the museum is this.  

         They are grave markers, if you can’t tell.  The sun was well past on its way to going down and this was the best I could do.  (Hanna, any way we can lighten this thing up from the dashboard?)

        About a year or so ago I read a really cool book about the history of cemeteries and grave yards in America (no doubt it is in The History Quilt some place).  To me these are peaceful and lovely places, so tranquil and full of lives.  I know, that kind of goes against how many people feel about them.  But there are stories there and memories and yes, lives.  It’s not because I have not dealt with death, I have.  I have just never seen the resting places of bodies as sad.  The body goes there but the spirit moves on. 

         Art and trends can be found in these locations.  What people thought was attractive or meaningful is everywhere you look when you walk through them, especially the really old ones.  The tales of loved ones and families are evident.  I am fascinated by the history there, and I’ve never felt uncomfortable in one (and believe me, I’ve visited quite a few).  The day Dan and I took that picture I forgot to write down why these particular markers are located where they are, and not in their original locations.  But I’ll drive by next week and find out, because now I’m curious about how they ended up on the fairgrounds/museum property.

         Our card today is a good one, even though, like differing opinions about cemeteries and graveyards, it’s not always thought of that way.  It can be scary to some people, but that is a fear-based reaction.  We have them when we don’t know all that there is to learn on a topic.  We react out of our lack of knowledge.

“Death” from the Robin Wood Tarot.

I like this illustration on many levels, but I also dislike the image of Death as a person.  Death as a card in the Major Arcana means New Life.  In order to have newness we must let go of, or allow to die, old or long held concepts or perceptions.  We sometimes must let go of bits of ourselves, in order to make room for the new part of who are becoming.  Death is always balanced with Birth, it’s a Universal Law.

        Imagery-wise this card shows a yellow butterfly, a cloaked figure in deep red, an enormous white rose, and much greenery behind and below birch-like trees.  The colors are rich and all have the underlying feeling of bright new beginnings, which is exactly what the card is talking about.  Red: life blood.  Green: new growth.  White: purity in the love of all things and the White Light of Good.  Yellow: sunlight and hope.  (There are also some nice earth tones, and they have a purpose as well.  The soft grays and browns have a smooth and soothing feel to them.)

         Whether we think of the character as mysterious or ominous is how we have been taught to deal with loss.  If we look past the stereotypical negatives we are able to see the vibrance in the colors and wiser meanings behind the scary spin.  We are not led to our deaths by a cartoonish guy in a ridiculous costume.  But rather, we are allowed to move past the difficulties of this life and the bodies we have been hauling around with us.  We transform, we flow into the new hope, and we head Home, without the burdens we previously carried.  We begin anew.

      The number 13 in numerology is really a 4.  The most solid and sound base we can have.  Standing firmly in this life, we then step easily, and with confidence, into the next.  Or, to look at it from the point of view of our new beginnings, we have a solid and steady base to move onto to start the next piece of our journey.  On a foundation that is strong enough to hold us up without the wobble that we are leaving behind.  (Referring to The History Quilt once more, I know I have talked about the misconceptions of the number 13 someplace here.  In the past three years, I’ve probably discussed it way more than once already.)

I am always pleased (and hopeful) when I see this card come up in a reading.  It means there is something very positive and meaningful just around the corner, a new leg of our adventure is beginning, a new page in the book of our lives is flipping over for us to see what is next.  It does not have the turmoil of some cards that portend jumping off into fresh starts, Death is more defined and stable (even dignified in a way).  The excitement of seeing something new on the horizon is what you want to remember with this one, the knowledge that you have worked your way up, earned a prize even.  Watch what is being birthed now, be aware of what new beginnings are taking shape in your life.