Full disclosure tonight, my friends.  From me to you, Julielanders, here’s what’s going on.  With no filter, and no holding back.  (Not like I ever do really, holding back is kind of a foreign concept to me.)

             One of the items I deal with is Release, as you all know.  Another is depression, which you also know.  Add in there, unprocessed grief, the disordered food thinking, my learning disabilities, and it’s fucking wonder I can leave the house some days.  (Ha, I don’t, and that’s even more of the truth.)

             Plus side?  I get to speak with dead people, and see past lives.  So, ya know, trade offs are obviously in play.  And the more I learn, spiritually as well as psychologically, the better equipped I am to help others.

             What I’m working on right now, and will continue along the next few days (with some fast travel for a wedding smack dab in the middle there) is a hunk of letting go.  Next Tuesday will mark 6 years that my sister has been gone.  The day before, I’m going to ride out to her memorial bench, in the very westerly part of town.

             She planned her service (Celebration of Life/funeral/what-ever-you-want-to-call-it) before she left.  It was not one I would have liked to attend, and as it turns out, I didn’t.  Just like I didn’t go to Karen’s.  Or my grandmother’s.  Or any other loved one, relation, friend, or associate.

             Do you see a pattern here?  Yeah, *A* and *K* did, too.  Now is the time for me to face this situation.  So I will.  But I have to sort of work my reluctant self elf up to it.  It’s in my head, and on my mind, and it just keeps needing to come out.  In next few days, I ask for your patience, as you remember that.

             For now, back to business.  This afternoon’s message popped out, super clear.  As well as super concise.

Compassion?  Yes!

Fear?  No!

             Next, add our daily draw, and we have quite an impactful and dynamic statement from the Universe.

angel oracle cards

“Angel of Space Clearing  ~

Time to clear old negative thoughts and feelings.

The Angel of Space Clearing has shown up in your reading today to help you clear the negative thought patterns and feelings which have surfaced recently as a result of your dwelling on past mistakes and regrets.  These unconstructive thoughts and feelings are the primary source of stress in your life at present.  Not only are they causing you to feel confused, they are also preventing positive new energies from entering your life.

Close your eyes and feel the loving presence of the beautiful angel who is here to help you clear and heal all these unwanted thoughts and emotions.  Imagine yourself being showered with light.  Imagine a beam of rainbow coloured light penetrating your heart while another beam of rainbow light penetrates your mind.

Feel your thoughts and perceptions begin to relax and your emotions becoming clear, calm, and balanced.  Now, give thanks……. for this wonderful healing.”

             When I first flipped this one over, I sat with her, and closed my eyes.  I inhaled the rainbow light and I relaxed into the healing.

             Please, I encourage everyone to do this for themselves; take half a minute, breath in – breath out.  It is uplifting, and it truly is a gift.  We’re all worthy of such blessings, if only we accept them.

Today’s Deck:

Angels, Gods, and Goddesses Oracle Cards by Toni Carmine Salerno

Today’s Mileage:

was downtown and back (with a stop for cookies!), done in 52 minutes 16 seconds, for 8.558 miles (much of it skirting road construction cones and barricades), with another day of a dwindlingly average pace of 9.8 MPH.

FLP Report:

is from the past couple of days (they’ve been far-flung), beginning with one from Tennessee, followed by a Florida, then Nebraska, a new-to-us Colorado, one Ohio, then another Ohio, and finally a single Illinois.

8 thoughts on “Open, and Opener.

  1. We have a wedding to attend as well! There go those parallel paths again. I hope you are able to break though this particular block, I know it has been a source of deep frustration and sadness for you.

    Enjoy your wedding! I know that we will have a really fun time at ours (once we get there).

    And thank you.

    11:01 p.m.

  2. Lots of love & hugs as you work through your situations.

    Gladly and humbly accepted,
    thank you.

    11:02 p.m.

  3. I completely understand wanting to run away from grief and difficult situations involving the death of loved ones. I only attended my brother’s funeral for my mother, because she needed me and that always trumped my own feelings (sometimes in a good way, many times in a bad way). I am glad I went, but I will never attend another open-casket funeral again.

    And I’m glad that we had a kind of open house after my mother died, so people could come and talk about her and see pictures of her. It made me feel good to be with people who loved her and who were there because they love me.

    I stuffed my feelings of grief for my father and my brother way down inside of me so I could cope and be there for others and because I didn’t know what to do with them and had no one to help me through them. When they finally brok through several years ago, it was devastating and unbelievably painful, but cleansing too. I may never completely heal from my brother’s suicide. My mother’s death tore a hole in me that may never completely close. But I have healed more than i thought possible. I passed the anniversary of my mother yesterday with hardly a blip (I think her birthday is harder for me).

    You are so sensitive and loving; I know it is immensely hard for you to deal with the death of people you love. But doing so will help you cleanse yourself and help you heal. I am always here if you need a “grief mentor” or just a shoulder to cry on. Like others, I love you very much and want to help you through your journey in any way I can. Plus, I’ll get to see you in October! (I hope.)

    Continue to take good care of yourself. You are important to me and to a multitude of others.

    Thank you so much, and yes, I thought probably you’d totally understand.

    Also? E-mail me, in about a week or so, with the October dates. Ya know, as a helpful reminder.

    11:03 p.m.

  4. I recall a conversation I had with my aunt, who said (paraphrased here) “why does getting better hurt so much, and why is it so fucking hard?” The short answer that I gave is that it took a long time to get there, so expect the recovery to either take time, or be more difficult in the accelerated process, and since we don’t want to take a second life long time frame to recover, we do the accelerated growth and change.

    Facing the shit is hard. Understanding the whys and the hows takes work. I salute you for doing the work.

    Coming from you,
    that means so much.

    11:04 p.m.

  5. I have stuff to say about the end of life commemorations but it seems really long and complicated and I’m too tired to have it make sense. I’ll try an email tomorrow.

    Be kind to yourself. Journeys are hard and change is hard even when we get somewhere good with it so have compassion for yourself.

    When you are ready, I’d be honoured to read it.
    Thank you,
    and thank you, again.

    11:05 p.m.

  6. thinking of you, Miss Julie. I’ve been letting go of old shit, too, recently and it’s just damn hard, even though it seems like it shouldn’t be.

Comments are closed.