Oh but sanity is an elusive and slippery creature.  Sometimes right here and sometimes loooooong gone, nary to be seen nor heard from for days; not even so much as a post card or quick e-mail.  Last night I fell (mentally/emotionally) and I couldn’t get up.  It was deep and it was dark.

             Fortunately, it was also brief (thankGAWD), we worked past it.  Not ALL the way past it, but enough to (mostly) continue on with our lives.  Today, when I got up, it was better.  There was residual-ness though.  I shoved beyond those tattered remains and pedaled out into the day.

             It rained on me.  But I was dressed for the weather, and kept right on going.  My mission was a kitchen tool for a special request (yes, another one.  Are you familiar with the phrase: I’ve created a monster? Because that’s what is happening with my parents, now they think I can fucking COOK, like a regular person).  When I’ve worked the kinks out of this new food project, there will be (something like) a recipe and pictures (I promise) for now, we’re simply utilizing it all as a handy metaphor.

             The other action that I took, besides riding out into the wet afternoon, was to enjoy another guided meditation CD.  This time it was one of Cheryl Richardson’s (she of the Self-Care Deck and co-authour with Louise Hay).  Seriously, I cannot express to you all how very beneficial these gems are!  (And so simple!)  When in doubt (or a depressive episode), leave your body (or just leave the house, that also works).

             On our card altar we have been given a similar message, one of singularly aimed focus and intent.

alternative tarot

“Intensity  ~  Knight of Fire  ~  Mastery of Action

The figure in this card has taken on the shape of an arrow, moving with the single-pointed focus of one who knows precisely where he is going.  He is moving so fast that he has become almost pure energy.  But his intensity should not be mistaken for the manic energy that makes people drive their cars at top speed to get from point A to point B.

That kind of intensity belongs to the horizontal world of space and time.  The intensity represented by the Knight of Fire belongs to the vertical world of present moment – a recognition that now is the only moment there is, and here is the only space.

When you act with the intensity of the Knight of Fire it is likely to create ripples in the waters around you.  Some will feel uplifted and refreshed by your presence, others may feel threatened or annoyed.  But the opinion of others matters little; nothing can hold you back right now.”

             This one is extremely encouraging for me (…now is the only moment there is, and here is the only space).  I hope it gives all of you the same “uplifting and refreshed” feeling.

Today’s Deck:

Osho Zen Tarot

Today’s Mileage:

was not simply the distance (4.912) nor the average speed (9.3 MPH) nor even the time on two wheels (31:29) but more about the act of going and doing it, at all.

views from south eugene
And then later, it looked like this out.

             Right behind where I’m standing is the bike parking,  immediately after I locked up and grabbed this shot, I spotted a friend (co-PTA mom from the kids’ school days) in the deli.  It was SO great to visit with her.

Last Night’s Baking:

was not in any way a technical failure, I just wasn’t thrilled with the results.  Dan said they tasted good, so I know my dad will be happy.

home-made cookies packaged for giving away
Yes, it does look like drugs lined up on my counter, but really these are bags of cookies.
(Packaged for individual family members.)

             One of those will be staying here, but the rest will be gone soon.

9 thoughts on “Driving Forces.

  1. Hey, Julie! Just wanted to remind you of two things before I crash for the night. (The eyelids are drooping, big time.)

    1. Depression lies.
    2. I love you.

    1. Fact.
    2. Right backattcha.
    3. Thank you.

    10:10 p.m.

  2. Sometimes we need to go deep and dark to shine the light down there and face our demons, and with Pluto’s station, there couldn’t be a more appropriate time.

    Remember, Braco is doing the live streaming thing from Hawaii through Wednesday, for $3 per session (https://www.braco-tv.com/ )… I haven’t done it yet, but I’m betting it’s a sure-fire way to get un-depressed! (Ann has been raving about them on facebook)

    That is a great card!

    I have no idea why this was sent to the SPAM folder, but it was. I’ve been getting anywhere from 10 to nearly 60 in there, every day. 😦

    10:21 p.m.

  3. Seconding Becky. {{{HUGS}}}

    Snort. Giggle. Sorry. But those looked liked bags of poo to be worm checked. 🙂 Glad they were something yummy instead!

    Acknowledging the first part, so thank you for that.

    Ignoring the second part.

    10:12 p.m.

  4. Interesting card. One of the few I like in that deck. Once again, we’re told, “be here now”. Yep, depression lies. Good on you for fighting through it.

    The battle is on-going, thank you.

    Be Here Now. Exactly.

    10:13 p.m.

  5. Yay for making your way through a dark time! You have made so much progress and continue to do so; it’s inspiring and it’s also so happy-making to see!

    When I look at the bags, I just see bags of chocolate. Chocolate what, I have no idea, but it definitely looks like good chocolate!

    Will definitely be in the moment today. Going out to late breakfast with girlfriends! Yay! First time I’ve seen them since I’ve returned.

    Thank you.

    Happy breakfasting!

    10:14 p.m.

  6. I skimmed right over the bags of goodies, because yeah, still working on losing those five extra pounds. So glad you kicked depression’s butt. You go girl!

    I do hope that you are getting SOME treats. 😛

    10:15 p.m.

  7. Well, I see my comment did disappear, as I had suspected, but then thought “well maybe it got sent to moderation.” Obviously not. That sucks, because it had what I thought were some good points, which I now have to try to remember…

    Something about sometimes needing to go deep and dark, because that’s what has to happen in order for us to face our demons and shine the light on them.

    And a reminder that Braco live streams are now happening, and will continue through Wednesday, for $3 per session ( http://www.braco.net/live-streaming ). I haven’t done it yet, am waiting for “The Voice” session, which is only on Tuesday, at 10:58 pm, our (PDT) time. It has the gazing, like the other sessions, but is followed by a recording of, yeah, duh, him speaking.

    And, I liked the card.

    1. And sometimes, all you can do is laugh… in my case, at this moment, it’s bordering on hysterically.

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