Yesterday I ended with an update about the on-going Change My Brain project, and hinted that there was a new level.  It wasn’t something I was ready to talk about, until last night.  I’ve been doing really well with the original aspect.  As I thought about it today, I realized that I should be thankful for my last dental situation, because really, that helped me to notice a few things.  Like, I chew much faster than I thought I did.  I’m slow, delayed in many ways, as we discussed with regards to movement (yes, I am also slow about other things).  My body does not do things quickly.   Or so I thought.  I was being super extra careful with how I chewed my food since Marty fixed that bridge.  It was a two-by-four moment

          The last time I talked about this concept was, I don’t know, in December or so, but I’ll explain it again because it’s an idea worth being familiar with.  We get subtle nudges and whispered messages all the time, but we don’t always understand, or even acknowledge them.  I tend to tune in fairly well, but every once in a while I have to be metaphorically smacked in the head with a huge freaking board, like a two-by-four, but in the spiritual sense.  What dawned on me about my chewing was that, in addition to sometimes eating without consciousness, I am also eating too damn fast.  Well, huh.  Didn’t even realize I could be so rapid, especially about such a basic function.

             Then tonight I had another “wow” thought (with an additional two-by-four moment, or maybe just a continuation of the same idea)  as I was going through my new gift journal (Carol you have no idea how perfect this was for me, really glad you listened to your intuition on that one, my gratitude is endless).  It is a fact I was aware of (which then made me go “well duh, of course we are AWARE of this”), but not one I had truly faced head on, or sat down and actually wrote out anywhere: the things that are the hardest for us to deal with are the things we need to deal with the most.  We live in a constant state of learning, and hopefully improving.  But the really shitty lessons, the ones that be-devil us, the ones we hate the most, are the ones we need to pay attention to the most fiercely.

          Gawd, I hate when this happens.  It’s just such a pain.  Now I have to be all virtuous and DO something about it.  Ick.  (Insert overly dramatic, and histrionic, sigh here.)  So… what do we need to look at the most deeply?  What is it that just keeps coming up, over and over, until we are sick to death of it?  The truth is that THIS is the thing we really must face.  And then deal with.  And then accept.  Otherwise it will keep coming back and biting us in the ass.

             In my case it is release.  Letting go.  The big Giveaway.  I carry extra weight around as a protection, but I also carry that un-needed poundage because I just can’t let go.  Of anything!  It’s past-life and current-life related.  I know this.  I’ve known it for a very long time.  (Very long.)  What I need to do now is look that in the eyes, and DO something about it.  Blech.  Life lessons suck.  They’re hard!  They stretch us to our limits, and they are painful.  Who the hell wants THAT?!  I know I certainly don’t.  But again, I also know that I will not lose this weight, lose this poverty mind-set, lose these continuing teeth issues, until I deal with the underlying cause.

         Here is what the journey journal has to say about it:

“The Giveaway is the conscious and intentional release of possessions, attitudes, limitations, addictions, false beliefs, obstacles, or fears that do not support your well-being.  Surround yourself with gratitude; surrender and forgive as you release the bonds.  Open yourself to the nourishment of Grace.  Discover your faith to believe and know that something better will replenish you as you let go with courage and trust.”

            I will work on this in phases.  I’ve addressed the Eating & Reading.  Now I will stare down the Eating & Computer-ing.  Next step will be letting go of other items that I do mindlessly.  I haven’t figured out where to start with those, but I am relieved to feel that at least I’ve made the conscious, and straightforward  effort to SEE them.  Right.  So that will be where we go from here.  Or rather, where I go from here.  You guys are on your own. 

          We all have to find those lessons (it’s not hard, they won’t let us NOT see them).  Then we look at them.  Then we begin the process of taking them down a few notches.  The key is to face them, without fear (or drama, like I keep doing).  At that point we can get rid of them.  Finally!

          Lesson du jour over.  I need to move on now, like to fun stuff.  These are the foreign license plates I saw today:  Iowa, Florida, Illinois, and South Carolina.  Aren’t these special?!  I saw the first on as I was winding my way up the parking garage where J.D. keeps his car (that’s where I drop things off that he has delivered to the house).  I had to back up, against the arrows, to make sure I read it right.  Not to worry, there was no one around when I threw the Wee Walnut into reverse.

           Even with my horrible clarity today, the card we got was most hopeful.  That gave me a bit of cheer.  Not that the Archangels are ever really negative, but this was just lovely.  And also, ya know (crap!), validating too.

“All Is Well  ~  Archangel Jeremiel: Everything is happening exactly as it is supposed to, with hidden blessings you will soon understand.

Sometimes what appears to be a problem is actually an answered prayer in disguise.  When we ask for help, Heaven may dismantle the old to make room for the new.  During this time of change, practice relaxation methods such as yoga, deep breathing, exercise, and meditation.  Ask me to make your transition smooth and harmonious for everyone involved.  And know that this change is for the better.”

Here’s the affirmation I wrote for my own wee self elf to help the process along: I am safe and well protected.  All of my needs are met effortlessly.  I release with trust, faith, and love.

12 thoughts on “The Difficult Lessons.

  1. Profound on several levels. Just remember the “give to be giving” component we got a few days ago. Release with intent…especially during the waning phase…

    As I was reading some of your recent posts (slow to rise, don’t like hot food, don’t move fast) I began to believe you might be a bit reptillian in your manifestation. (I know I can say that to you, and you won’t get creeped out like many people would with that suggeston.) Seems to fit, anyway. And remember that few people embrace change that they don’t conscioulsy choose (although some have degrees of embrace/reject around it). Food for thought.

    1. “…might be a bit reptilian in nature.” That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in ages!
      It reminds me of a great memory I have of my grandfather. I was maybe five at the time, and was wearing a way cool new outfit (simple black skirt, tights with a matching long sleeved shirt, the print on my legs and arms was a very groovy [this being about 1966] black and white pattern of crooked diamonds). I was stretched out on the floor, in a front of a big window, basking in a large puddle of sunshine, while reading the funnies. Papa walked up and said, “Juliekins, you look like a little ol’ snake on a rock!” 😉

  2. Julie, I am so enjoying reading your blog. However, I will admit to reading it last in my my blog roll, because I then feel compelled to listen to you, and the cards, and get off my ass and do something, dammit. Not that writing pithy posts is worth-less, it’s just that I’ve noticed my committment to other aspects of my life has lately waned. Okay, off to DO!

    1. Oh that makes me so happy! First or last, as long as you are having a good time here I don’t care when you arrive. I don’t have a competitive bone in my body, so no matter how it falls, we both win. 😀

  3. Nice..:) worthy of a second, or third read. And then of course ponder, write, and DO something! Like start a blog…….

    1. Got your e-mail, and am standing by whenever you need some help (lol, that just cracks me up, ME helping someone with computer crap). I’ll write back tonight. See you soon!

  4. So glad you are enjoying the journey journal. I saw it and thought of you immediately, had to get for you, then I had to surprize you with it without knowing your address. Thank goodness for a Betty.

    Releasing the stuff, sometimes hard to do yet very necessary for one’s own well being. It’s a journey, sweetie.

    1. Oh and I think I know exactly who that Secret Helper Betty was too! 😉
      If that (“…I thought of you immediately…”) wasn’t Divine Intervention I don’t know what is. I continue to love, and be fascinated by, our differences-that-are-truly- similarities.

  5. Releasing is very difficult… I have big problems with that, since I tend to internalize everything, make it all about me (I’m so self absorbed) and then hold on for dear life. I also have problems not living up to my own expectations, but that’s another issue.

    I like today’s affirmation. I may print it out and put it up at work so I can remind myself of that every day.

    1. Those are the exact reasons why I call my own wee self elf a Self Loathing Narcissist. 😕

      Yes, please print out that affirmation (using some really fancy/lovely font) and keep it close to hand. I have written it on a crappy old recycled envelope, but will be printing it tonight (in papyrus HANNA!) so it looks nicer as I haul it around with me everywhere I go.

  6. Magnum, too, suffers from fast-chewer-itis. I swear sometimes he doesn’t chew at all. You’ll be surprised at how much difference it makes when you slow yourself down while eating. You give your body time to get some stuff into your bloodstream and acknowledged that you’ve eaten, thereby (theoretically) making you feel full with less food. I’m still working on that one. Not that I eat too quickly, but I tend to feel hungry all the time (PCOS), and don’t give my body the chance to recognize that sugar is on its way.

    Good luck with your lessons. They’re hard, but facing them can make life so much better.

    1. I have read EVERY tip out there about weight loss, and have seen this “chew slowly” thing a gazillion times. It never sunk in until I had to do it so very consciously.

      They ARE hard, but yeah, once you really see them … well there’s the catch. You have to DO something about it. 😦

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