It will surprise no one who reads this to learn that I’m a witch and my husband is a cop. What some people want to know is: how does this work out exactly? How did this happen? Who the hell are these people?
He was just a guy who helped a girl get gas one day, then his life changed. Daniel was raised by brilliant and loving parents, with beautiful sisters on either side of him. He learned how to be patient and how to be generous. (Although I kind of think attitudes like that are gifts you are either born with or you aren’t.) He came from a place of kindness. Grew up being supported and cared for.
But he also cared for others. He raised a dog, from puppy-hood into old age. Teaching Jough (rhymes with dough, like bread) things that came instinctively to both of them. He is a guy who believes in instincts. And following your heart. While being extremely smart (like scary smart sometimes) he is open-minded enough to also see the value in spirituality.
I grew up in a frighteningly similar family. All the way down to the arrangement of children. While my parents don’t quite rank up there on the genius side like his do, they do come from folks who have always been able to figure things out. Eventually.
Neither one of us every really had huge high reaching goals (not so sure we even used the word “goal” at any point in our lives). We both sort of fell into this marriage. Because he was caring and I was lazy. Fortunately, it has worked out really well. For 30 years now. (Those photos are from our anniversary coast trip in 2009.)
He ended up being a cop by accident. It was a job, he applied, passed all the tests, they provided him with training, then handed him his gear. I had always known I was a witch, but it took me a few false starts before I admitted that this really was my life. (I had claimed the title long before I knew what it entailed.)
It would be illegal for his department to discriminate against us because of our belief system. That doesn’t mean little things aren’t occasionally said, or implied. (There are several deputies that are literally afraid of me. But who knows if that’s because I’m a bitch, or because I’m a witch. I’d ask the one guy, but he won’t stand close enough to talk with me.) Dan has always presented himself in a serene and knowledgable manner. What mostly happens is that people approach us with questions. Since we answer all of them, or attempt to, we are both seen as not real threatening. We are more often viewed as slightly odd, but mostly harmless. (Ha, which constantly amuses us, but we don’t tell them that.)
Do I worry about his job? The danger factor, or the new developement that our son is now out there on the road in the same potentially deadly situation? No. Not much. I figure we are going to do what we need to do. I worry more about them having clean shirts, getting plenty of sleep, and having enough in their lunch boxes to get them through a ten plus hour day with no breaks.
There have been incidents that slam me in the face with the reality of their jobs. I have to stop, and absorb the severity of the situation. Then I look at it, let it go, and return back to knowing that nothing I can do will make much of a difference. But wait, “nothing I can do” is not quite the whole story either. I have sent them both out there, with good support, much love, a decent lunch, and clean uniforms (plus a wee bit of magical protection). They both have the intelligence and training to keep themselves as safe as anyone can. They also both know that when I see them again (I live in the complete and total certainty that they will both come home unharmed and I will see them again at the end of their shift) they can share the grief and stress they have witnessed with me. (Okay, sometimes I roll my eyes and say, “well yeah, he’s an idiot, we expected that.” Then I leave the room.) And now that they both have the same job, they can share with each other as well. (Keep in mind one other valuable fact: it is a job, it is not WHO they are, but merely what they DO to earn a paycheck.)
Being Pagan has given us a sense of calm I think. But also, it’s who we were without the labels too. J.D. was raised with the knowledge that his mother would be there for him, no matter what the need. And his father would do the same. It just happened that when his dad got home, he hung his gun in the closet before he changed into his happy pants, and sat down to a bowl of cereal with him and his sisters.
We are extremely sarcastic (in case you hadn’t noticed, I thought I’d add that). We are more than a little irreverent. And we don’t take many things too seriously. We know that magic is real, and we know that bad guys exist. We balance these two, seemingly opposite sides of our lives, by combining them. We tell all our stories out here for anyone to see. We talk to all types of people, in an honest and truthful way. We begin our days when the sun is going down, and we go to bed when the rest of the world is just getting up.
I think the key is being open (which in our case means that we just walk around being who we are). Being able to let the judgement go, and to laugh at pretty much anything that crosses our paths. Unless we are saying What The Fuck?! But then later we laugh.
Please feel free to ask us anything. I hope some of this helps, but my time and space are limited right now. (And yes, I also have to deal with that damn sliver in the bottom of my foot.)
On my way to the mall today I saw one foreign plate: Iowa. It was a better day. I apologized, and then I laughed. Really, nothing else to be done. Today will end, just like yesterday did. We will have tomorrow to do as much with as we are able. I will reach up and kiss my son, I will lean over and hug my daughters. And when my husband and I have more than two minutes together, we will laugh, close to each other. In our happy pants.
Today on the card altar we have come around again to The Druid Animal Oracle. I think the strength and message in this one couldn’t be more perfect. (Magick is fun isn’t it?)
“Ram ~ Reithe (pronounced Re-hu) ~ Sacrifice, Breakthrough, Achievement
The card shows a ram with a ewe and lambs in the background. To the left we see sheep-bit (sheep’s kidney) and to the right sheep-sorrel. In the foreground grows stone bramble. A ram-headed snake is carved in the rock.
Reithe brings the ability to achieve a breakthrough. Particularly attached to the place of its birth, the ram represents connection, rootedness, stability, and yet it also represents the power to penetrate, overcome, and achieve. Working with the ram as your ally will help you to find the inner strength you need to succeed. At the same time you need not fear ‘losing your head’ on the dizzy heights of success, because the ram will help keep you grounded, and will remind you of the practical necessities of life. By persevering, by being patient and attending to the needs of your daily life as well as your future goals, you will find the day comes when you achieve a breakthrough, accomplishing what you have set out to achieve and discovering that you have also ‘come home.'”