Yesterday when Dan and my parents went North to J.D.’s graduation, I had set out my little camera on the kitchen table with a Post It note, so there would be photos to share.  My plan worked perfectly, we DID have pictures yesterday.  Although, in the ridiculous marriage I inhabit, this was the first shot I saw, upon its return.  


    I’m actually having some difficulty concentrating on tonight’s post, and here’s why, no it’s not just that shirt.        He’s texting with Fictional Friend Whitney, and watching a ball game with his dad.  I don’t multi-task well (at all) and they keep talking.

   Where was I?  Oh right, so you know I am (eventually) going to write up the story of me, or I Was Born A Lower-Middle Class Beige Child.  I’m thinking there should be something about “I laughed, I cried, I cheered” on the cover too.  There will be teary parts, I did lose my baby sister to cancer (hey, make sure you’ve read Han’s post about this) but there will be happy parts too.  Like how I have three amazing Sisters-By-Marriage.  Dan’s sisters have been a loving part of my existence since the minute the entire family welcomed me into their lives.

   My brother’s wife, well the Sainted Teresa has been with us since they started dating in the 8th grade.  This girl would put Wonder Woman to shame.  She constantly has like 19 jobs at a time, her own kids at home plus bonus and fosters on hand, she’s like an orphan magnet.  And it’s because she is amazing.  She is smart and gorgeous and hysterically down to earth.  Last night I sent her a quick e-mail, just to up-date her on the impending festivities, fully expecting them to have plans or to be working or any number of other very important engagements (they really are that busy), and to let her know it wasn’t a big deal if they couldn’t come by.  This is what I got in return, “…we are all coming to the shindig…. I read your blog every morning like it’s the news… you drove your car to our house that day it caught fire and we witnessed the burned seat.”   I laughed so hard when I read this.  It never dawns on me that so many of you are checking in and remembering some of these adventures along with me.

   I just wanted to say, Barb, Mick, and T… I adore all three of you more than you know.  And thanks for being here, and for putting up with me for all these years.  If any of our JulieLanders ever wonder about my stories, or tales of the absurd, you can verify my validity.  I truthfully am like this in real life!  And my beloved Sisters-In-Law can say “yep, she is.”


When I was warming up the little squirrels that live inside my desk top dinosaur of a computer today I noticed that the It Gets Better project of Dan Savage’s had made the opening page of WordPress announcements.  Again, very good news, the more press this gets the happier I’ll be.

I don’t know if you all can check the tweets these days, there’s a new feature that makes my Stitchin’ Witch photo move, and give some kind of background/bio thing.  This will also be fixed when we do our update next week.  Not sure how it will affect your subscriptions, if you have clicked on that option down at the bottom.  (If not, don’t miss a single day of my worldly wisdom.  [LOL, or talking out my ass, whatever.]  Be sure to put a check mark in the box and you get these sent automatically.  At least, that’ s how it’s supposed to work, let me know if it doesn’t.)

    We have come to my working deck once more in our travels around the card altar.   This one is not a favorite of mine, for many reasons, all of which will be blatantly clear when he see and read about it.     

The Hierophant 

   This is the 5th card in the journey of the major arcana, and it deals with structure, tradition, and ritual.   It has to do with learning things within the confines of society and being able to adapt to changes (ah ha ha, like I can do this without effort).  The warning is that we need to not get caught up in the way things are, but allow ourselves to be flexible.  This can also be a message in regards to timidity, staying in a safe zone because it is easy, the simple path that others expect you to follow, when really the best way to learn is to step out of the those restrictive norms and blaze our own trail, taking all the risks this implies.

   We all learn at our own pace, but we cannot learn at all if we think we already have all the answers.  We won’t have that until it is time for us to go Home, so while we are here, be the student, but be that student with an inquisitive mind open to all possibilities,   then share what you are learning and become the teacher, freely giving as you have been given.

18 thoughts on “Unconventional Foundation of Establishment

  1. First thought – I love you Dan! You are the perfect kind of funny.

    LOVE the book title! Perfect. And yes, there will be sad parts, but there will be hysterically funny parts, that could only happen to you, and only told by you in your way. I’ll be first in line to buy it baby.

    The It Gets Better Project has become huge, and it’s so wonderful. I’ve passed it along on facebook several times. I also happened to catch Ellen’s talk about bullying, very touching. Then she had Minnie Driver as a guest, who I adore. Gorgeous, extremely talented, big star, etc. She told Ellen how much she appreciated Ellen’s bullying speech because she had been bullied in school. Not for being gay, just this new girl made her life a living hell for at least 3 years. She had been popular, outgoing, active, and this girl made her life miserable.
    Then she said she saw her at a party a few years ago, and she got that same sick feeling in her stomach, like back then. She spoke to the woman, and then without attacking her, asked why did you do that to me? The woman said that Minnie was everything SHE wanted to be, and she wanted to bring her down so that she could try to shine. So she felt inadequate and jealous.

    My friend’s (Bruce) son, Bruce told him that bullies do it because they’re scared themselves, and they do it to make themselves look tougher.

    Friends & I were talking recently about how we still feel those emotional scars from bullying or just nasty things said to us in school, 30 years later. Those wounds don’t seem to heal. I can remember a remark from a boy in the cafeteria, picture everything about it, and how much it hurt, and it’s been 30 years. If a guy said something to me now, I’d tell him to go f himself.

    Part of the answer has to be changing the behavior of the bullies, no matter what they bully for. But I don’t know how you do that.

    Well, I went off on that a bit, didn’t I?

    Sorry, haven’t been on twitter in weeks. Really haven’t done anything in weeks. And I’m already subscribed to your posts.

    1. Don’t apologize! We missed you, and we missed your insightful take on things. It’s true, the bullying must be addressed and stopped. I have those same memories from school, but I can’t watch any of the videos from that project, they are just way too sad for me to get past. I want to help stop this kind of shit, so the more this gets around the better for everyone.
      When we do the update next week be sure and let us know if the subscription keeps up. And thanks!!!

  2. *waves at Dan* (lovely blue eyes, by the way)

    In my struggle to get established here, I haven’t yet set myself up Twitter. *mental note to do that* Perhaps I need a Post-It.

    As for the card…at first, I rolled my eyes at the “structure, tradition, and ritual” part. I’m just not very structured. I’m an artistic-type at heart, wanting to be free and flowing and all-loving. But not structured. But I read on and found it more about not being timid, not holding yourself back…more about allowing yourself freedom.

    So now, I’m going to put flowers in my hair and run barefoot outside. I’m a hippie at heart, and I just want to love everyone.


    1. Scribbles on the backs of used envelopes and Post It notes are definitely the keys to my life, so yes, they may help you as well.
      See, that’s always my first reaction to this card too, but then I have to remember that this is SYMBOLISM and even if I am already that hippie with flowers in my hair, I still need to keep the full message in mind about learning, teaching, and not getting stuck in ANY type of safe routine that might be restrictive.

  3. My first thought was that shirt would be a great dress. And then I thought that this was somewhat sexist of me. Why should patterns and colours be considered masculine and feminine? *Yes, I’ve been reading on gender and education, how can you tell?

    This means that I have been learning within society’s structure (see, card is relevant) but this course in particular is designed to facilitate critical thinking about our socialisation.

    1. Oh that’s right, and you have been very big on orange and reds right now too!
      I like to think that our cards are ALWAYS relevant. LOL!
      Keep your nose in those books, you’re gettin’ there.

  4. Well done Dan…Julie, at least you know the post-it notes work 🙂 Love the shirt, makes me think of cocktails on an island beach.
    That card creeps me out but it has a good message so I’ll ignore the creepiness, Stormy- mind if I join you?

    1. He has a very diverse collection of Island-friendly shirts! His summer wardrobe would pretty much be welcome at any resort. Well, except for that seer-sucker suit jacket, that one …..
      Yep, go with the message and look past the illustration, and we’ll loan you a flower for your hair, as long as you promise to not wear shoes.

  5. Ha, that is something the Big Guy would do too. Marriage is so much easier with laughter, lots of laughter and silliness too and love. Youngest son’s middle name – Daniel. Such a great name.

    1. Don’t you think that marriages last longer when everyone is having fun like this? Glad you have a silly husband too, so much more entertaining.
      I have these theories about names and Daniel is a very positive one, I believe it means Gift From the Gods or something similar.

  6. Cool card. Be the student–that I can do. Become the teacher–check. Okay, I’m all caught up now thanks 🙂

    PS that shirt is ten kinds of bright

    1. LOL! Check! You got it covered, no worries there.
      Yes, “bright” is one word for that shirt. Although he says “comfortable” -whatever.

  7. Y’all are just jealous. That shirt is even brighter in person.

    In case you’re wondering (and I’m sure you *all* are), it’s a Peterman.

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