Tag Archives: sisters

Marking A Day, Love/Longing.

   This past Tuesday was the first anniversary of Patrick Swayze’s passing.  Tomorrow will be three years for my sister.  I have wondered, since last year, about this common week for them.  He was probably one of my hugest celebrity crushes (gawd, I hope Don Johnson is in good health right now, he looked pretty robust when I saw him on Craig recently).  The pure dignity of the man, and those Southern manners just hit me, every time I saw him, everywhere he showed up.  Didn’t matter the character, I saw them all.  There was something from him in each role he played, something that just grabbed me at a soul level.

   I had an extremely tumultuous relationship with Gay Lynn.  She had issues I never knew about until close to, or even after, her death.  She struggled with many things.  Many of those things I just took for granted, or didn’t even notice, or dealt with in my own way.  She was sweet, and very kind, when she decided to be.  I know she’s better where she is, and I know she will be coming back, she really didn’t get the things accomplished that she needed to, this time around.  I find myself wondering where she’ll show up later.  And I know it will be much later.

    With Patrick Swayze, I feel more at ease.  He went before he was ready, and yet, near the end he had prepared himself, so really, he was ready I guess.  I don’t believe he’ll need to come back.  Fortunately we can still see his work.  Well, you guys can, I won’t be able to watch anything with him in it for a few more years yet.  Maybe never.  But that’s fine too.

   I have plenty of mental images stored up, of him, and of my sister.  I don’t need photos or movies or anything physical to remind me of either one.  I’ll still wonder about them having their special death days so close together though.  Until I get there, that is, and then they can explain it to me.

      Our card today is one that brought back all kinds of memories for me too.  Have any of you seen the film The Secret of Roan Inish?  It came out in 1994, and I just recently found out that the movie was based on a novel.  I am a book snob, and rarely like a movie (or even see it) better than the book it came from.  In this case, since I haven’t read the book, I have to go with the movie, but mostly because of the voices, the accents of the actors.  I cannot even think of this film without hearing the little girl call to her brother.  “Jamie!”

     Seal  ~  Ron (with a dealie over the top of the O)

   This card calls to us from the seal people, calls to us from the sea.  The song of the seals can be upsetting to some, it is a mournful sound, and in humans it can stir the heart of the listener to their core.  It is the call of the Unconscious, from the depths.  It calls to us from the waters of our birth, from out beginnings on earth, from our brothers and sisters in the animal realm who are closer to us than we dare imagine.  Some feel fear at this call, because they feel they may be drowned, overwhelmed by the feelings it stirs.  But we must not let the intellect imprison our hearts.  We must listen to this call and hear it deeply, allowing that longing to be.  Holding that longing, and then honoring it.

    Opening ourselves to the prompting of the Unconscious, of the Feminine, of  our dreams and longings will bring transformation, healing, and love into our lives.

    Seals have a strong and special connection with the human race.  Some families are said to be descended from them.  There are many ancient tales from the Isles that speak of the Silkies, or Selchies.  How the seals come from the water, leave their skins and walk amongst humans.  The mysteries are beyond time and endlessly enchanting.

This post is way tardy tonight because, once again, our ancient and sad dinosaur of a computer was poorly behaved.  My kids came through for me though.  Thank you Hanna for calling and interrupting your evening, and thank you immensely J.D. for spending the time to walk me through the details of our mouse plug situation.  Even in the dark, and on my knees amongst the dog hair.

I am an only child now.

I have researched if there are support groups for people like me.  My sister was born on my third birthday, we were like twins, but not.  What do twins (or close enough to it) do when one is gone?  There is a group called ‘Twin-less Twins’ but I don’t think I technically qualify.  So who do I cry to?  Our brother was born in between us, but he hasn’t been heard from in nearly a month.  It’s not like he’s a homeless wino or a lost drug addict, oh no, he is an upwardly mobile yup who is just too selfish to phone home.  It has recently occurred to me that I am now the only person my parents have to rely on, for the rest of their lives.  I am it.  Just me.  Or is it just me?  Never.  I have the most devoted (but hugely dorky) husband of 25 years who is always there for me (provided he was actually listening when I spoke).  I have the most devoted and wonderful adult children, all of whom I can truly depend on.  So no, I am not alone in my task of parenting my parents (nor really alone at all).  But I am pretty much an only child now.  It’s not nearly as much fun as I had imagined.

Community.

There are connections we make everyday.  Throughout our lives we make millions.  In a family we ripple out, from one member to another, and then farther afield.  The old line about marrying the entire clan is not a cliche, it’s a fact.  I have gotten to know my brother-in-law better in the past year than I had in all the 14 he was with my sister combined.  We knew he was a keeper early on.  But now we just feel so lucky to have him at all.  He has a blog too, it’s on I hate cancer.  His name is Monty.  Look it up.

Pagan concerns.

I am anxiously awaiting my Witches Almanac slash calendar slash desktop datebook.  I need to know when that dastardly Mercury will go retrograde this year.  I have to have the exact moon phase times.  And also my niece wanted one, so I ordered two.  It’s very important to have these details.  Even when they arrive, and are done in Greenwich Mean Time, or Eastern Standard, or what ever ridiculous clock setting this particular publisher chooses, I always have to convert to Pacific, my time.  But it’s worth the math, these are vital bits of fact that influence our everyday lives, and those around us.  Mercury is a particular bane to me (being a Virgo) and my Gemini daughter.  We are ruled by Mercury, and by the Moon Herself.  So when this is going backwards, and communications are completely screwed up, we are at risk.  And this transfers to all of those we come in contact with.  (She and I come in contact with a LOT of folks!)  Now you see the reason I am concerned, and keep peeking out the front window to see if anything has appeared on the front porch.

Marian Keyes.  Worth looking into.  She is an author who lives in Ireland.  Has an amazing way with words, and a very refreshing (by which I mean honest) outlook on life.  One of her books, “Rachel’s Holiday” (or something like that) is about a young women’s brief, but meaningful, time in re-hab.  She has a new book coming out in March, I am looking forward to it.  She also does a blog and newsletter.  Funny lady.

Have I mentioned to anyone lately how much I hate my hair?  Or rather, my lack of hair?  It’s scary.  And I am already a frightening person (just ask my kids).  I gave my hair away, all three and a half feet of it.  To my little sister.  She needed it more than I did.  She took it with her on her final journey, and she has been appearing to everyone in dreams and visions, flaunting it.  Which I am sort of glad about.  She really is enjoying it, but I miss it.  And I miss her.