Tag Archives: OCD and me

Focused Benevolence.

             Just a few minutes ago I was over there on the tweeties.  Many pictures of much snow right now.  Our local forecast?  Very high 40s and 80% clear.  Right, so we won’t discuss weather today.

             Instead, we’ll look at what showed up on our card altar after I tell you how my yoga hour with Ryon went.  In a word: good.  In another word: better.  Or rather, better than last time.

             I’ve been having some issues with this particular gym experience, not because I don’t love that we’ve incorporated yoga into our work-outs, because I most certainly do, but for other reasons.  Personal issues that stay on the table in my discussions with *A* every other week.

             You may have noticed that I no longer talk about diets or weight.  It’s because I am learning how NOT to focus on mine.  Currently, the success rate is improving.  But those obsessive thoughts are not gone, not even slightly.  They are mostly just redirected.  Hopefully in a healthy and positive fashion.  Except when they aren’t.

             Sitting (or standing, or reaching, or balancing) on mats and stretching into a designated pose is not what it used to be.  I am heavier than I’ve ever been, and it’s restricting my movement.  So I stop enjoying the activity, I get “thrown out” of the moment.  And that’s what we talk about on the therapist’s couch.  Last time she helped me to rethink the entire practice and purpose of yoga, reminding me of its origins and spirituality.  Very helpful.  Today was better.  For that, I am extremely grateful.

             Which brings us to our daily draw.  As you read the guidebook definition, think  not only about what it says, but what it implies, in a less specific sense; think also about simple compassion, for our pets, sure.  But also, for our very own selves.

DSCN5531

“Animals  ~  St Francis of Assisi

You have a strong love bond with animals.  As with St Francis, they instinctively trust you.  They can sense your compassion and understanding and come to you for help and companionship.   You have an innate ability to communicate with animals, you know what they are thinking and feeling.

In some ways,, you feel more comfortable with animals than with people…..  Your pets who have passed on also send you their love.  They want  you to know that they’re happy and doing well….

This saint is associated with nature and animals, and he’s a patron saint of animal welfare.  Legends say that he would give sermons in the forests and the wild animals and birds would stop to listen.

St Francis was born in Assisi  Italy, in 1181.  He renounced his family’s wealth and became a traveling preacher, with followers who eventually formed the first Franciscan religious order.  He spent a considerable amount of time helping and healing the poor, particularly those with leprosy.  The powerful Prayer of St Francis, which begins, ‘Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,’ also makes him one of the most beloved saints.”

             Setting aside any concerns about words and labels here, it feels so special that this message showed up when it did.  (Also, let’s disregard this illustration.  I’m pretty sure, without even googling* one bit, that this is not a good likeness of the guy in question.)

*But I did go searching anyway, and was correct.  I also found his prayer, sub out what you need to, just don’t disregard the entirety of this:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

             What seems like an important part to address here is the overall attitude of empathy and understanding this saint invokes, and by showing up here, shares with all of us.   I can’t imagine anyone who couldn’t use some of that.

Today’s Deck:

Saints & Angels Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

FLP Report:

Virginia and New York.

Today’s Mileage:

just down to the gym and back which was 9.108 for 58 minutes and 11 seconds worth of pedaling at 9.3MPH.

             (Since I can now take the numbers out of my wee machine, I am also noticing some other statistics that I’d previously been unaware of. Like, for February so far, I’ve gone a total of 41.714 miles.  On a bike!  In only the five days I’ve been out there this month!  Later I’m going to see what January looked like.)

Today’s Baking:

is going to be more cookies.  Probably.  Maybe.  (I have some dessert cherries that need to be put in something.)  I’ve begun researching recipes for pudding that don’t use any dairy products.  And did I mention we’re out of biscuits?  I’ll keep you posted.

Putting in the hours and receiving the benefits.

             Some candy happened in our kitchen just now.  Hopefully it will be wonderful and not terrible.  Too soon to tell.

home-made candy

Salt, walnuts, chocolate.

             It’s from THIS recipe, which Becky shared with me.  I’ll let you know how it turned out, right now we are cooling.  Fingers crossed.

             My new bike toy (thank you, again, Karen Buys) worked perfectly on today’s ride.  I think.  This evening’s tardy* arrival home was so rushed and chaotic, as Dan was trying to leave for work, that we forgot to check the stats.  I don’t know how to do that yet.  I’ll have him look it over if he gets a lunch break tonight, but I won’t be able to share until tomorrow.

             I know one thing, it was a helluva lot colder this afternoon than it was yesterday.  Winter, perhaps?

*There was business-y dealings to be dealt with because *A* is moving her practice, and we needed to clarify a few details before the new year rolls around.  My hope is that I’ll be able to continue working with her, and the insurance covers it entirely.  I repeat, fingers crossed.

             In our card altar room, before I took off for my appointment, that questionable deck of Toni’s called out to me again.   What is it with that one?  I have developed this mixed messages relationship with it (yep, I totally get the irony).  But I continue to stand by it, the words are simply too good (and too tuned-in) to let a few heinous unfortunate illustrations side-track us.

oracle and angel cards

Angel Of Manifestation  ~

Your efforts, determination, and perseverance have paid off.

Something you have yearned for, dreamt of, and worked towards is about to manifest.  Yet this is not a time of wild elation.

Keep your focus and balance and do not lose sight of your original purpose.  Quietly give thanks to your angels, to God/Goddess, and the universe for this blessing and continue silently with your work.”

             First, does that picture look blurry to you?  Let me know.  (Yes, Corina.  I cleaned the lens, as best as I could.)  Next, this one (speaking of mixed messages) has an almost doubled-up meaning, I feel.

             It seems to have the sensation of “yes, we’re ABSOLUTELY on the right track, but we can’t stop working YET.”  I don’t mind that, but I’m not sure if it’s entirely so Manifest-y as it first appeared.  No way to know until we get there.

             I’m very pleased with the tone of the message though, either way you look at it.  (Although, I won’t be spending any large amounts of time looking too closely at this one.  It’s fine, just not the best [nor thankfully, worst] that we’ve seen.)  ”Quietly give thanks” and our “efforts have paid off” are both positive, and true statements.

Today’s Deck:

Angels, Gods, and Goddesses Oracle Cards by Toni Carmine Salerno

FLP Report:

from yesterday, Maryland and Massachusetts (again!).  And from today, only one New Mexico (old style, which is so cheery).

Health UpDate:

my cut ankle is not really closing up much, but it DID start to itch, so we know it’s healing (from the inside, at least).

Flowers of Renewal

            You guys are gonna love this.  I had been thinking about what to write today, and how there were questions I would answer, a few home tales to tell, a bit of explaining I’d do, and then I turned the card over.  Yesterday we were told in our archangel message to watch for signs.  Repetitious signals from the Universe.  Ha!  No shit. 

            We are going to start with the daily draw, then I’ll move on to those other things.  Because seriously, this is a major, neon flashing, direct shout of communication.  From The Druid Animal Oracle, I present you with…. a repeat.

“Eagle  (Iolair  ~  pronouced as Yulir)  ~  Intelligence, Renewal, Courage.

The card shows a golden eagle flying in front of the rising sun, and indicating its association with the East – the realm of intellect and the element of Air.  It is the time of Lughnasadh (Lammas on August 1st) – and the landscape below shows the harvest being gathered in.  On the horizon are the peaks of Snowdonia, and we can just make out the eagles’ secret lake of renewal in the North.  In the foreground is the oak tree, for the oak is king of the forest, as the eagle is king of the birds. The oak and the eagle are both also associated with the god Taranis, the Druid Jupiter, and the god Lugh (Lleu) who was said to have transformed himself into an eagle which perched on a mighty oak.

Iolair helps you to see your life in the wider context, enabling you to make decisions and chart your goals with clarity and objectivity.  A powerful ally, it is courageous and strong, and draws its powers from the sun.  If you will allow Eagle to work for you, it will bring you a sense of purpose and the courage to see this through, enabling you to venture into fresh territory with confidence.  Iolair will enable you to grasp subtle concepts.  Eagle, when accepted, will also show you the way to renew and rejuvenate yourself, by demonstrating the art of plunging – at just the right moment – into the lake of the heart.”

            As I stood there in front of our card altar I did a double-take, I actually looked over the entire table, with this one in my hand, trying to figure out what I had done.  How come I was holding an Eagle card when we had JUST drawn an Eagle card in the past few days?  It was kind of startling.  I mean wow, this has happened before.  Twice!

         Obviously when we are supposed to get messages like this, we get them loud and clear.  This kind of thing makes me absurdly happy.  And, ta da!  It’s extremely validating as well.

           Which brings me to a question that London Mabel asked in the comments recently.  I explained this when we first started the rotation, or possibly as far back as when Colette’s deck showed up in our lives.  But that was a while ago, and I realize that not everyone has read the entire three year back log.  So, I’ll give the details again. 

             When we go around the table, we flip a card.  The decks are just what I had around the Burrow.  We’ll be running out of a few of them soon, and I will replace those with others I have, or new ones.  And we’ll add back some of the decks that have run their course.  Most are oracle cards, one is an animal totem deck, but one is the Robin Wood Tarot, a duplicate of the cards I read from when you hire me.  I transcribe the information from the guidebook, inside quotation marks, and in the italic font, centered below the picture. 

             Except if it is just me.  If we have a card from my “working deck” I will still put the meanings and definition in italics, but there will be no quotation marks, because I am not quoting anyone.  I am giving you the reading that comes through me.  As the radio.    If I had a third option, like a different type face or something, I’d use that.  But I don’t.  This is the only way I can make it distinctive.

           As promised, here are the lilac clippings I got last night.  Daniel come home for lunch, so I had him pull the branches down and hold the flash light for me.  It is still pretty early in their blooming phase, but I couldn’t wait.  I needed some of these near me.

              Eventually I’ll have my own blossoms to harvest, but now I have to “borrow” them from next door.  What I do have is honeysuckles.  This is a plant that we moved with us from about the last three or four houses we’ve lived in.  I would make Dan take starts from each one, then they would grow at the new place.

           Please avert your eyes from the hideous old pallet and disgusting tarps.  Just look at how this shrub is growing up the side of the deck, onto the second story.  In the last house, it grew the same way, and I was really hoping it would it again.  We planted it down there at the bottom, in that tiny square of dirt where the post goes in to the ground (which I just realized you can’t actually see in this shot, but believe me, it’s there, surrounded by concrete).  When my dad and Dan had to rebuild the deck I was an emotional wreck over how my honeysuckle would survive.  You can see that it did just fine, they were very careful.

            This is looking at it from the top, the ugly tarps are directly below here.  Yes, it needs some re-training so it’s not on the seats, but I can do that any time.  I have re-twined the vines for years, to make it go where I want it to.  I’ll go out there in a few days and re-arrange them again.

             Barb and Skye have both mentioned the fact that I am nowhere to be found on FaceBook.  True, and likely to stay this way for a bit longer.  Remember how I wander dangerously along the boarders of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?  Well, having the addictive personality that I do, it is fairly risky for me to start new things that might take me down another treacherous path.  We have talked about getting me a Fan Page, so that I would have access to the site.  I’m still thinking.  I know, it’s a funny way to go about it, I am not a famous person, I am not a published authour, I’m not even a public personality with fans.  Still, it might be one option.  I’ll keep you posted.

          Last night Empress sent me this link.  I have not poked around there a bunch yet, but it looks really good.  And since our latest Eagle card mentioned Lughnasadh and Lammas, this was way timely too.  Check it out, it appears to be done very well.  Thanks Emmy!