As fabulous as my new color and header are making me (and really, I’m pretty pleased with my self elf over the entire event) I am also feeling very uncomfortable at the moment. As I mentioned yesterday, my walk wasn’t great (although my feet weren’t made worse, yay Wrightsocks!) and today, even though my bike ride was fairly easy, I’m still kinda meh. Plus, my eyes are bothering me.
Dan says it’s a high pollen time of year (the cars and porch are covered in green dust right now) so that is probably what’s causing this irritation (or contributing to it, anyway). I don’t get allergy symptoms (I stubborned those bastards away years ago) but we did both have a weird headache last night that sort of got better with the Trifecta of Pain Relief and a few Sudafed.
Also though, I’m in a bad mood about some work related crap of his. Oh sure, it’s all helpful and safety and blah blah blah whatEVER. But it’s costing ME because it’s on his days off. No fun outings, no cozy couple shopping, no conspiratorial snarking at the pool tomorrow, no us time at all.
He just works and then goes to do this shit then works some more. Why yes, I AM bitter. (And no, that picture is not upside-down, it’s a sleeping bag and his carry-all bag sitting on one of the ugly living room couches, silently taunting me.)
Here’s our card draw. I’ll try to make sense of it once I get the definitions all typed in.
“The Outsider ~ 5 of Rainbows: The Physical
The small child in this card is standing on one side of a gate, looking through it. He is so small, and so convinced that he cannot get through, he cannot see that the chain holding the gate is not locked; all he has to do is open it.
Whenever we feel ‘left out’ or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small, helpless child. It is not surprising, as the feeling is deeply rooted in our earliest childhood experiences. The problem is that, because it is so deeply rooted, it plays over and over again, like a tape, in our lives.
You have an opportunity now to stop the tape, to quit tormenting yourself with ideas that you are somehow not ‘enough’ to be accepted and included. Recognize the roots of these feelings in the past, and let go of the old pain. It will bring you the clarity to see how you can open the gate and enter that which you most long to become.
Projections ~ 7 of Water: Emotions
In the cinema hall you look at the screen, you never look at the back – the projector is at the back. The film is not there really on the screen, it is just a projection of shadow and light….
The man and woman in this card are facing each other, yet they are not able to see each other clearly. Each is projecting an image they have constructed in their minds, covering the real face of the person they are looking at.
All of us can get caught up in projecting movies of our own making onto the situations and people surrounding us. It happens when we are not fully aware of our own expectations, desires, and judgments; instead of taking responsibility for them and owning them, we try to attribute them to others.
A projection can be devilish or divine, disturbing or comforting, but it is a projection nonetheless – a cloud that prevents us from seeing reality as it is. The only way is to recognize the game. When you find a judgement arising about another, turn it around: does what you see in others really belong to you? Is your vision clear, or clouded by what you want to see?
Healing ~ King of Water ~ Mastery of Emotions
It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. The figure in this card is naked, vulnerable, open to the loving touch of existence. The aura around his body is full of light, and the quality of relaxation, caring, and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering. Lotuses of light appear on his physical body, and around the subtle energy bodies that healers say surround each of us. In each of these subtle layers appears a healing crystal of pattern.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.”
Is it just me, or does this seem very much like living as your genuine self and letting go of old crap? Some more, and again? Because it sounds as though we’re getting a repeat message here, in summation, of our past week.
I very much like all of these cards, the first one being similar to how the Devil card appears in my deck. Once we realize that WE are the only ones holding ourselves back, the freedom in front of us is endless with amazing possibilities.
In that Projections card, well, I’ve said it to death for days now. No more masks, no more fooling ourselves or others. That “…when you find a judgement arising about another…” is a very cool addition to this idea of honesty. Perfect that it falls into place here.
This version of their King is also lovely. We can always us healing and soothing. The illustration and message reminded me of Reiki practitioners and acupuncturists, both of which are hugely beneficial. And this one again is repeating that mantra of: Truth.
Overall, I’d say that for me, this feels like a gentle, double nudge from the Universe. On the one hand, get over your damn self, and on the other, be who you are but do it with a higher purpose in mind. Which, ya know, is just basically an excellent way to live.
Osho Zen Tarot