This post is being written in two parts. We’re going to my mom and dad’s place for dinner later, and I don’t know how much time I’ll have to blog when we get back. So, I’m starting early. With things I wanted to talk about yesterday (and the day before). Things like my new counselor and why I’m seeing her, plus what we’ve already found out about me. (Because, ya know, it IS all about ME.)
I never use pseudonyms here*, we just ARE who we are, but this time I’m going to. Not sure why, but that’s what feels correct in this situation. We’re going to call her “A” for right now, this may very well change later though. (Or I might just plain old forget to do it. See note below.)
*I can’t remember names well, just as a matter of course, so there’s not a chance in hell that I’d be able to call my children or husband something OTHER than what I already call them. My head is very full, no room for anything that’s not ABSOLUTELY necessary.
The “why” of me seeing A is that it seems like I’ve done all I can on my own. I’ve changed pretty much every physical aspect that I believe I’m able to. The spiritual focus is great, lots of affirmations, plenty of positive thinking. It’s the very cerebral and mental (or in my mind: Swords) crap that I’m still struggling with. So, I’ve found a person I think can help.
The biggest deal we have learned so far is that I’m disconnected from my body. I don’t like it much, and I tend to have the attitude of battling it. Now, I’m NOT a competitive person. At. All. I detest the fact that someone, in any sort of challenge, must lose. This pacifist mind-set is VERY at odds with, and entirely against, how I am living in view of my personal being. Figuring this out was HUGE! (Even though it seems sort of small now that it’s all typed out.)
We, me and A, now have a goal in sight. I will strive to be a whole and complete being, instead of separate and apart. The theory is that once I’ve accepted this, or can at least begin to view it this way, my physiology will do what it is supposed to. That is, lose weight. Less food in, more movement and energy expended out, natural and long-term weight loss SHOULD just simply happen. Or so we are hoping.
Rewards, as I mentioned the last time, are also on the table. One I did not tell you about was the “music for the sake of music” option. Many of us have devices in which our favorite tunes are stored. Mine is ancient, but I adore it. However, I only listen to it when I’m trudging. (Although we did have fun with our personal playlists on this last driving adventure.)
What if we set aside a specific time to just enjoy a song, or five, for the very act of absorbing the music? Wouldn’t that be a mindful exercise in pleasure and a lovely gift to ourselves? Yes, I thought so too. Bonus! Our brain is excited about the prospect of this type of activity; reacting just as it would if we promised ourselves a cupcake! The reaction is the same. Only with the song version, we gain no weight, but we still feel fabulous. Win win.
(The cupcake is for later, or another day. The cupcake is NEVER out of the equation, it’s just not considered a treat the same way it used to be.)
There is a truth and a compassion to therapy, I’ve found. When we treat ourselves honestly and really try to learn, to grow, to HELP, we can be so much more than we ever thought possible. So far, I’m a fan. (This could change, I’ll keep you posted.)
On our card altar today is another message I’m greatly fond of. Even though I don’t know much about this particular saint, I do like what she says. Or, in this case, represents.
“Don’t Compromise ~
St Agnes of Rome
You are asked to take a stand in favor of your truth and self-esteem. You don’t need to compromise to get what you want, and you can live by the truth of your beliefs. St Agnes is your guide and role model in this aspect. She shows that in love relationships – as well as career, home, health, and other life areas – you mustn’t compromise your values.
If you are in a difficult situation, first try to negotiate a better solution with the people involved. For instance, if your romantic relationship is unsatisfactory, tell your partner your honest feelings. St Agnes and your angels will help you speak truthfully with love so that your partner can really hear you. If this doesn’t yield satisfactory results, this saint may guide you to a counselor or a helpful organization. The key with this message, though, is to stand by your truth without compromise. As God’s holy child, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and dignity. Accept nothing less.”
Or, in non-Doreen-speak . . . . . as a light-filled being, as a child of the Earth, as a free human, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and dignity. Accept nothing less, even from yourself.
Second part. I’m back from dinner. It was lovely. We had several types of grilled items (both animal and non) with a huge green salad. (But we were with my mother, so there was also tortellini salad, and several-bean salad on her table, of course.) And pie.
(There is nothing wrong with this picture, or the pie, other than that fact that I didn’t realize a glass dessert cover doesn’t really photograph worth a shit.)
She also, accidentally and unbeknownst to her, made us Clean brownies. With Mexican chocolate. Yeah, it was a VERY good meal.
She wanted you all to see the vest she made, out of that exquisite yarn I bought her for some gift-giving occasion recently.
Saints & Angels Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue
The Daily Dog is a bonus, since he also photo-bombed that above shot. But I took it before we left. How was I to know he’d be in ALL the pictures?
If there is a mat or a rug in front of him, he’s on it. Although, at this very moment, he’s perched on top of an unstable pile of Dan’s clean, folded laundry, which is on the back of an upholstered chair.